T.Y.P.I.C.A.L.L.Y. Yours

"Stop !, I say stop !, Immediately!

...I fit dash you the bus fare but make you stop, I wan come down!

Conductor! Tell your driver to stop oh! I no fit come die like chicken, my babies are too small to be orphaned. "

We were all cramped into a veryyyyyyy small bus, hugging the metal frames of the seats directly in front of us and silently praying for the bus driver to slow down. For where? The devil of a driver kept it strictly "Need for Speed (Underground)"-ISH. There was a maniacal smile on his face and he was saying something to the passengers in the front seat, something like "All the winch for this bus, dem winch bird go fly leave them today!". The bus conductor was hanging loosely (typically, with his shirt blowing in the wind like Superman's cape) to the edge of the bus laughing wildly,flirting with death (typically) and he probably thought the driver was funny 'cos he chortled and said "Oga, Carry Go!"... I laughed when I heard that and the guy beside me gave me a stare that would stop a raging bull; he said "You think it is funny? This madman is about to plunge us into the sea and you are laughing, I cannot blame you, you are a young man, no responsibilities and no children and wife waiting for you at home...". He ended it with a hiss (typically); I kept laughing. That day was no different from any other. In fact I think I'll title this post TYPICAL till something more creative strikes me.

I love drama! It's ingrained in me, I grew up as the last of ten children (four wives) and believe me there was a lot of drama and they mostly seemed so funny to me 'cos at the end the issues got resolved so easily only to reappear and keep the cycle going . I'm sure the family man in the bus that gave me the lecture was probably right about all he said to me that night...but it wasn't my fault that I found the whole scenario funny, in a kind of weird way, I could relate to the spirit, the connection the bus driver and his conductor had that made the suicide attempt so funny. Reflecting back on the bus flying trip, they were probably wrong in endangering our lives and being over confident about their driving prowess. I did major reflections on the incidence later that night (probably 'cos I wanted to make sure I was not particularly insane)...and I figured: "WTF, I wake up by 5 a.m., go to the mosque, take a bath and by 6.30 a.m. (max) I am at my desk in the office and close for the day by 8.30 pm on a lucky day. The highest point of the day would usually be trading links and arguing about the essence of Apple products with Onydchic (yes, the Onydchic)"

Damn it! I had a right to laugh, after a spent day, comedy/laughter is a mega blessing; I am one of the drones that make up the workforce of the emerging (?) new Nigeria. Businesses have become religions, Offices – temples and the workers are the varying groups of worshippers. We have welcomed this march towards a better future and are so grateful that we could find jobs that keep food on our tables and the shirts on our backs. BUT...Nna men, the situation na die!, we have traded our personal lives, very important sleep and laughter (most importantly) for the meagre wages. There should be courses/certifications on "Catching buses in the city of Lagos" but the real deal is the possibility of watching live drama or getting into a random argument/maybe quarrel (wey no concern you) on your way home. You can never predict what you get. If you want a bigger stage try the Molues (as soon as possible too 'cos i heard they'll soon be replaced by the BRT buses).

If : you've ever been harassed by the police, your pocket has been picked while hustling to get a bus space, insulted for no reason by area boys/Okada drivers/bus conductors, stuck in meaningless traffic, been duped by local Wash Wash/French Man/I came to see my brother in Lagos
but... type of fraudsters, lost your way due to mischievous "good Samaritans", found your way, discovered a new kind of joy, met someone interesting and nice (wink*), turned on the radio and fell in love with sound...etc. Don't fret, don't burst a blood vessel from the excitement, take your time, savour the moment, and smile 'cos no matter your reaction the bottom line is: This is Lagos!
(typically).

With all its clichés and oxymoron; explore it, blame it, experience all its frustrations, enjoy its possibilities, love it, hate it, whatever you do, find your own little niche where you can LAUGH out loud at the end of the day and let out the steam (and mean it). Why? You ask? 'cos you have to wake up by 4 or 5 a.m. the next day and be at work by......................................